Let Them Get Registered!

In 2003 the British Government was planning to introduce a Domestic Violence Register “to warn women if their new partners have a history of abusive relationships”. Fair enough: but now bring on the Gold-Digging, Prickteasing and Emotional Demoralisation Register!

Joking apart, any kind of system to warn men “if their new partners have a history of abusive relationships” is unthinkable. This is because the very concept of women being abusive in their relationships is still mostly excluded from the discourse of polite and progressive society. Spousal abuse is still treated as synonymous with female complaint and is furthermore treated as sui generis, without any causes other than innate male depravity. The relationship itself is never analysed in terms of the respective and reciprocally influencing actions of two players, as a two-handed game; whenever there is any danger of this happening, the women can always move to one of the many echo chambers in which they are guaranteed the complete absence of any such inconvenient analysis.

Such conceptual exclusion, whereby a woman with a history of abusive relationships (other than as something she is “in”) is treated as a contradiction in terms, clearly serves the interests of nobody but abusive women. This we may call a definitional power that dwarfs the economic and political kind; men may have money and office, but when their relationship breaks up they are automatically deemed to be the abusive partner. Is this not a form of oppression too?

Posted on February 24, 2013 at 09:55 by Hugo Grinebiter · Permalink

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  1. Written by urban
    on February 18, 2013 at 19:40

    Aside from the typically female scams you mention–and let’s not forget that old favorite: the lying about birth control to get knocked up on purpose entrapment–I’m curious where the idea comes from that women aren’t violent and abusive. That is not my experience.

    Without any notes or records to consult I’d guess that over half of the women I’ve gotten involved with over the last forty plus years have been prone to at least occasional towering, violent rages that would escalate quickly into throwing and smashing things, kicking and flailing. I never not once reciprocated; I’m temperamentally very disinclined towards violence. I favor talking things out. My approach to these rages was to just leave for an hour or two and come back expecting the best sex since the last meltdown. Violence as foreplay. Whatever blows your skirt up, eh? You go grrrrrl!

    Now I do not universalize my experience. I can see other modalities in operation around me. And I take full responsibility for my participation in this pattern. I accept that something very sick and self-destructive in me wants to be abused, chooses to pursue a certain type of woman who will play her part. Fine. That still leaves a question in my mind. Why has it been so easy for me to find violent monsters to scratch this sick itch with if they are such rare statistical outliers? And why do I see so many others in the world around me?

    What’s that? The Patriarchy did that to them, you say. They were all victims of male non-aggression. They lashed out at this injustice with the only tools at their disposal. Oh, I see.

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