Going And Coming

It may be doubted whether any escort or brothel worker has ever claimed that she enjoyed the sex all the time. And no one would believe her if she did. Some confide to trusted customers how much they actually dislike the job; but here they have a problem, in that they must make the particular client believe that they nevertheless like being with him, for – despite what the misandrists are constantly asserting – very few customers enjoy feeling that they are making the woman suffer. Sometimes such protestations are all-too transparent and the customer can see that there are no real exceptions after all.

The real question concerns the middle ground, whether a woman selling sexual services can enjoy the experience with a considerate partner. The answer to that depends on one’s prior view of sexual female nature in general. The woman who herself can only enjoy sex in a secure monogamous relationship, or cannot enjoy it at all, will indignantly disbelieve it, as will the woman who resents the very existence of men; but then they both need to explain away the behaviour of their sisters at parties and discos, on Greek islands and so forth. This problem is often solved through denial, and by the customary overgeneralisation from herself coupled with a remarkable omniscience regarding the sexual appetite of individuals whom she has never met – all culminating in dogmatic assertions that no hooker can ever come, because “women” as such never enjoy sex purely for its own sake.

The naturally monogamous, frigid or misandric woman forced into prostitution is bound to have a different experience and a different view of the matter than the promiscuous party girl, who makes no bones about simply liking to fuck and who by no means requires a deep, emotional, meaningful interpersonal relationship and all the rest of the psychobabble. How much “Chicklit” is about joyous sexual encounters with perfect strangers, and how different is that from sex with a congenial customer? For such a party girl, the relevant choice may be between paid recreational sex with anonymous men and unpaid recreational sex with anonymous men. There will surely be more complicated patterns and personalities in between these two extremes, for example women who respond very well to certain customers but not others.

One service provider reports that she did not really start to discover her sexuality until her mid-thirties, as a divorcée with kids, when she went to work in the licensed sauna; she would finish up a shift, having taken on clients at a pace that astonished her colleagues, and then go clubbing to pick up a man. She could only climax at about four in the morning, she said, after a day of pleasant but unorgasmic intercourse at the brothel. In this way her workplace represented eight hours of foreplay. (Our informant here does not remember whether he was invited to witness the payoff for his earlier efforts, and not being a nightbird or a smoker would in any case have declined.) This “foreplay” approach is also taken by those girls who hold back through the shift and then let themselves have an orgasm with the last customer; these tend particularly to be women who find it uncomfortable to have intercourse shortly after an orgasm and can only have one a day. If a client causes them to have that single orgasm before the last session, they can be quite annoyed with him.

It might be noted here that some women are like most men in that they do not, after all, need love and commitment and romance and flowers merely to have an orgasm; the body has its own rules and procedures. Some women, much to their consternation, get wet while being raped; this does not mean that they consented or “wanted it really”, it is a mere matter of friction and physiology. It is not, therefore, necessary to posit that the sex worker who arranges her working day to climax with her last customer has to be particularly fond of him. He may be flattering himself that he is a little special to her, while in fact she is using his body to get herself off in precisely the way that he is using hers.

The female orgasm is to some extent a physiological response to male wealth. One can easily imagine why this should be so: the orgasm is a reward for having found a good provider. What then shall we say about the escort profession? Perhaps the titillating memoirs hide the truth in plain sight; if knowing that she is being fucked by a rich man is what throws the switch in the female brain, then escorts really are “just lucky, I guess”.

That sex workers fake loud orgasms during intercourse with clients is an almost universal trope. In point of fact, it is by no means the rule that the worker writhes and moans and so on. Non-orgasmic prostitutes appear rather to fall into two groups: the smaller contingent does act, and very badly too; meanwhile, women in the larger category do not fake orgasms, not because they have real ones, but because they do not purport to have them at all. The former act so badly that it is hard to believe that a client will be taken in, but the word is that most are in fact deceived, mundus vult decipi. Much more typical is, however, the girl who behaves in an encouraging and affectionate manner and gives the impression that she is mildly enjoying the proceedings. It might even be that she has an orgasm, but for reasons of her own keeps quiet about it; in the nature of things this is undiscoverable. A related trope is that all service providers tell all the men what wonderful lovers they are; this is false to the same degree, in that a minority does precisely that, in a most unconvincing manner, while the majority offer no testimonials at all.

One major reason for this reticence is that for a man who wishes to please a sex worker, intercourse is not really the name of the game. The proportion of Northern women who cannot climax from intercourse is fairly high, inspiring the misandrist ideologues to claim that no one ever does so; the woman who cannot come from competent cunnilingus is much more unusual, and the sexually sophisticated woman who dislikes being eaten out is rarer still. Now, anyone who claims that escorts, call-girls and brothel workers do not permit, or do not get, cunnilingus, has convicted herself of not having the faintest idea about what actually goes on at these levels of the market. The rules of the house may occasionally forbid cunnilingus, but without much effect, for the experienced punter knows that most working girls regard intercourse as their job but cunnilingus as their treat, and who’s watching? Many immigrant sex workers come from macho cultures where the men demand to be sucked off but would never dream of returning the favour; when they discover that their customer has a quite different attitude, they are delighted.

Such a customer is not epistemologically dependent on moaning and groaning; having his face soaked in her juices is much more persuasive. So too is when he can feel, by the subtleties of skin and muscle and breathing, that something has happened, a switch has been thrown; or when the girl goes into fugue or falls asleep. Pretence here would demand astonishing acting skills, and what would be the point? When providers fake, they generally fake it quickly, so as to get you out of there; the woman who takes a very long time to have what appears to be a genuine, deep and apparently unexpected orgasm is acting against her own financial interests, and probably house rules too. Also persuasive is when she drastically overruns the allotted time and doesn’t charge extra or appear to care. Yet another pattern is when the worker apologises to the customer for having had an orgasm; this makes no sense to me, but why should anyone do this if they have not actually had one?

A female fantasy writer who has imagined a very sophisticated and non-abusive system of sacred prostitution, involving both sexes as both “patrons” and “artists”, suggests that sexual desire can result from placing oneself in the hand of the goddess – or of chance, if we do not believe in goddesses. It would be interesting to discuss this with real prostitutes working in civilised milieus, to see whether this is indeed their experience. At any rate it would seem intuitively obvious that the contrary attitude, of grudging every word and action as if playing a strictly zero-sum game, would not be conducive to sexual desire.

This is well illustrated by Scandinavian service providers. Not only do these absolutely refuse to be eaten out, but they often forbid the customer to touch their breasts, flanks, or indeed anything at all. Under such rules of engagement there can be no question whatever of their deriving any physical pleasure from their job; as for the social aspect, they make it very clear that they hate and despise the customer, sight unseen and in principle. But these rules are what they themselves have chosen, and likewise their attitudes, which suggests that job satisfaction or lack thereof is partly in the woman’s own hands. Providers from more hedonistic, less moralistic cultures than the Scandinavian – which is to say, all of them – who work with Scandinavians or hear about their approach find them utterly bizarre. The opposite pole is probably the Brazilians, whose philosophy appears to be always to extract as much pleasure out of life as you possibly can. They might prefer not to be prostitutes; but, given that they have in fact ended up that way, why not relax, be nice to the customer, and maybe get their own rocks off too?

Posted on January 22, 2012 at 12:14 by Hugo Grinebiter · Permalink
In: THE NAME OF THE GAME, So This Is Science!

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