Penis Indifference

According to Woody Allen, Freud had it right that there was such a thing as penis envy, but was wrong to think that it was women who suffered from it. Yes, it is a good joke; but in fact the extent to which all men are running around in a permanent state of penile inferiority and envy is greatly exaggerated. As with consumer electronics, we men don’t think about our penises much as long as they work; it’s women we think about, not our own dicks. It serves the interest, however, of certain women to avoid the question of why we think about them and in what mode, rapacious, altruistic or dependent.

In any case, it is doubtful whether men think about their penises one twentieth of the time that women think about their breasts. I hereby suggest that women feel so guilty for their continuous agonizing about their breasts that they project their own obsession onto men. Since men have no breasts, women attribute to them their own degree of narcissistic obsession, but attached to the only available candidate. In the same way, the accusation against a man of being prick-proud is very probably a projection of the woman’s pride in what she knows to be her “spiritual” (whatever that means) superiority.

None of this prevents some women spitting us on a Morton’s Fork: if a man has a big penis he is deemed to be insanely proud of the fact and to imagine himself entitled to female worship (whether or not he really feels that); whereas if he has a small or medium, he is deemed to be worried and envious (whether or not he really feels that); and all his personal, social and political behaviour is then derived from one or the other of these alleged facts. No evidence to the contrary is admissible; for if he says that he is satisfied with his size, then he may be held to be boasting, but if he says that he doesn’t worry about it, then he may be accused of being in denial, or even of outright lying. Claiming that it’s not something he thinks about much mysteriously becomes evidence that he thinks about nothing else. There is no possible position a man can take that acquits him.

Any time a woman wants to cripple a male opponent in a supposedly political or professional argument, therefore, a good Silencing Technique is somehow to drag in penis size and accuse him of one of the various thoughtcrimes connected therewith. Not only is there no possible acceptable answer, but his defensiveness – a natural reaction to being ambushed in this way – may be treated as proof of an all-consuming obsession with his penis. This very conveniently invalidates the quite unconnected views he was trying to argue at the time.

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